Publication date: September 2019
LGBTQ+ author? Genderqueer
Series: Arden St. Ives Book #3
Setting: Modern day UK and United States
Content warnings: BDSM and explicit sex, infidelity, drug use, attempted (and quickly stopped) rape, discussions of past sexual abuse of a teenager and past domestic abuse, rehabilitation of a life changing injury from a car accident (supporting character)
The first book in this series was sexy, smart and fun. The second was so sweet and lovely, until it broke my heart. I did not review the second book because I took no break at all before starting this one! And then book three. Wow.
I can’t really begin to describe how much I love this book and this series without spoilers. So you are warned. Spoilers ahead!
We learned at the end of book two that Caspian was sexually abused by his father’s business partner when he was fourteen through non-consensual BDSM. Heavy stuff. The way the author reveals this is very authentic to the way a real traumatized person might, through little bits and pieces of a fragmented story.
Gentle, loving Arden finally immediately understands why Caspian is often so withdrawn and emotionally distant. Why Caspian won’t let anyone touch him. Why he sees himself as dangerous to those he loves.
Like many abuse survivors, Caspian believes what happened to him was his fault. Arden challenges him on this. Caspian cannot handle this affront to his brittle reality and breaks up with him.
At the start of book three, we learn that Arden is doing his best to move on while still in love with Caspian. He ends up in an actual casual sex friendship with his older co-worker, George. George is a society and art photographer — and hella kinky. Arden is in heaven and learns a lot from her. Like the previous books, consent is at the absolute forefront here. Sexy!
We also learn that Caspian has proposed to his ex-boyfriend Nathaniel. The one who thinks Caspian’s desire for kinky sex is a product of his abuse. And that Caspian is a bad, dangerous person who has willingly hurt others. Also he wants Caspian to stop smoking. Caspian wants to be a better man and does his best to get on board with Nathaniel’s plans for fixing him.
Talking about big T trauma
In the 50 Shades of Grey, BDSM is presented as a mental illness. As the books go on, Christian learns to be less violent and controlling towards Ana through her love of him. (Omg, vomit.) By the end Christian is all better, they get married and have children and he is satisfied with their vanilla sex life. This is one of the many reasons I hate 50 Shades of Grey. Christian’s behaviour has nothing to do with BDSM and everything to do with him being abusive. And love does not fix an abusive person.
Nathaniel believes Caspian is like Christian and he is like Ana. But it’s obvious to us readers Caspian is not at all like Christian. It’s also obvious to Arden. It takes almost all three books for Caspian to start to see what Arden sees in him.
Arden also learns along the way that he is not Ana. He cannot save anyone through love alone. It’s only when Nathaniel and Arden stop demanding Caspian to heal in the ways they think are best that Caspian is able to accept what happened to him. He has to find his own truth and his own way out.
This book deals with some seriously heavy stuff that hits rather close to home for me. But the way Alexis Hall writes about it was not upsetting or triggering for me.
Alexis Hall writes about these events in an honest and real way without going into the gritty details. I see that some reviewers have criticized the author for this lack of explanation of how and why Caspian is so traumatized. But honestly Caspian probably doesn’t remember it well enough to tell a cohesive story. That’s how trauma memory works. And he doesn’t need to tell anyone what happened in detail to get support. And in consideration of queer readers, we are twice as likely as straight people to have been victimized since the age of 15. We don’t need to be retraumatized with the details. I am glad Alexis Hall focuses on the emotional truths instead.
Gender perfection
One of the other things I love about these books is how Alexis Hall portrays gender creativity. My favourite is the skillful way he reveals to us that George is trans. She is described as a beautiful woman over two books. Only when it becomes relevant does George tell Arden about what she wants and doesn’t want to happen with her cock. And that’s the only mention of that!
It’s the same way the author makes no big deal about Arden’s gender bending throughout the series. He paints his nails, he sometimes wears makeup and women’s clothes. And everyone is just completely OK with it. Caspian always loves it. There is no whiff of homophobia or transphobia — even internalized — for a second. At the end of the book, George wears a tux and Arden wears a sparkly ball gown and Doc Martins as they run off to save Caspian. I just want move right into this world.
So many inside jokes
The last thing I love about this book is that there are so many little references to geek culture. If you are not into Star Wars and Princess Bride, you can still enjoy this book. I did not get all the references to British literature. (But the one about Queen Susan’s horn got me, like how is there a Chronicles of Narnia reference in here? Perfection.) It made me laugh and feel like somebody got me. SO GOOD.
Beautiful book. READ IT THE WHOLE DAMN SERIES.
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