A Trans Man Walks Into a Gay Bar by Harry Nicholas

Publication date: May 2023
LGBTQ+ author? Gay and trans
Setting: Modern day UK

This is a memoir of an ordinary British gay, trans guy. It is a very affirming book that doesn’t gloss over the hard stuff but still focuses on joy and connection. He describes why he wrote this book:

Sat on the shelves there were plenty of books about being gay, and much-needed, joyous accounts of what it is to be trans, but nothing really that encapsulated what it is to be both.

I found this hard to believe, but I trust him! I certainly haven’t read anything like his story before. I also appreciated that he wasn’t famous, after my failed attempt at reading Elliot Page’s very hyped memoir. It’s nice to read about someone a lot more relateable.

The author gives a voice to something I think a lot about, as a trans person who has not medically transitioned. He writes:

I cannot help but feel that I was not born in the wrong body but rather the wrong world.

Trans people are perfect the way we are, with or without medical intervention. We are never broken. But hormones and surgery allowed him to “find himself away from distraction.” He calls this “the biggest act of self-care and self-love I have ever been able to offer myself.”

Beautifully said. He also writes about transitioning:

I am gay, trans and the happiest I’ve ever been. In fact, I didn’t know it was possible for a person to be this happy… The things that once felt suffocating and confusing, now figured out, allow me to breathe more easily.

The book also explores the author’s journey realizing he was gay. This is where I personally stopped identifying with his journey but still really appreciated reading it.

He took us through his journey of hooking up with different guys from Grindr every night, spending lots of time at gay bars and cruising in gay male saunas. Being an Old Person (TM) twenty years more senior than this author, I was like who has energy for that. But it was really fun to read and realize there are a lots of different ways to be gay.

He is very clear that there is no one way to be gay, trans and queer and he does not speak for all of us. “This book is an experience, not the experience.” He also encourages all of us to share our journeys in books, song, social media, or whatever moves you.