Pansies by Alexis Hall

Publication date: May 2016
LGBTQ+ author? Genderqueer
Series: Spires #4 (Does not need to be read in order)
Setting: Modern day UK

This is a classic Alexis Hall m/m romance and I loved it. Well, most of it.

Alfie is successful with his career, has a penthouse and a fancy car. He travels from London to conservative South Shields for a wedding and accidently comes out to his friends and family by yelling “I like cock” when the DJ switches songs. Yah. Oops.

He drowns his sorrows in a nearby pub and ends up hitting on a gorgeous guy named Fen. Things are hot but also a bit weird until Fen confesses that they know each other from high school. Alfie was Fen’s bully. Oops again.

Fen now has long hair died pink and runs his mother’s flower shop. Alfie is attracted to Fen’s beauty and femininity, but it also really tweaks his internalized homophobia. Why can’t Fen just look more manly? But also Alfie loves how he looks. Quite the semi-closeted man’s conundrum.

The same dynamics as when they were kids play out again with Alfie being obsessed with Fen. Except Alfie’s desire to date Fen now overrules his desire to put his head in the toilet. Alfie does his best to humbly ask for Fen’s forgiveness and earn his trust.

My favourite thing about Alexis Hall’s writing is watching a character grow through a romance with someone else. Watching Alfie grow from clueless and closeted to caring, gentle and vulnerable is beautiful. Alfie’s relationship with his parents also grows and changes as they grapple with his queerness.

The one thing I didn’t love was Alfie being Fen’s former bully. I was not bullied as a kid, so I can’t personally relate. But I did have major conflicts with people when I was a teenager/young adult that still impact me to this day. And I cannot even fathom wanting to have sex with any of them. This made me feel a bit skeptical and hesitant throughout the book, even though Alfie’s character as an adult was so likeable.